Having sex in my car at 19 was hot. Now that I’m over 40, having sex in my car would not be so hot — as it’s full of soggy Cheerios and dog hair. Something that seemed perfectly acceptable to me then became appropriately disgusting once I grew up.
Just like we women don’t crave the same kind of sex and attention we did when we were 25 (or the same kind of partner), neither do grown-up men. Our expectations and desires mature.
But what they actually want can be a bit of a head-scratcher, so I took a poll of a few dozen guys over 40 and asked: “What turns you on?” My methods: An anonymous Twitter account paired with some very tolerant girlfriends who asked their husbands and boyfriends on my behalf. I got so many similar responses, it was easy to compile a shortlist of the top turn-ons for this dude demo.
“My girlfriend and I are trying all kinds of crazy things.”
Men over 40 are more interested than ever in crossing a few items off their sexual bucket list, so why not take advantage? They want you to wear the French maid costume? Tell them you’ll trade it for a membership in the mile-high club. A willingness to take a stab at something completely different goes a long way. And that’s because a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to try a few new things between the sheets exudes confidence — which is always sexy.
“I love a woman who knows how to dress.”
“When [my wife] gets dressed up for me when we go out, it’s a total turn on,” said my friend’s husband. “She puts on a cocktail dress and I can’t wait to get it off of her.” Yes, men are attracted to physical beauty — and that doesn’t go away as we age. But the definition of what is beautiful changes. Men over 40 are turned on by someone who takes care of herself and knows how to put herself together. They’re not in the same shape as when they were 25 either. The key is how much confidence and self-love you project by how you carry yourself, what you wear and if you take care of you. Just making an effort as you get ready before going out can work wonders.
Oh, and when it comes to lingerie? Most men over 40 seem to have a golden rule: less is more. Way more. “Women might think that men prefer lingerie that’s vulgar or that’s like something you might see in a porn movie,” one man said. “Maybe younger men do. But I think older men like lingerie that’s feminine and pretty. For me, a low-cut plain white t-shirt with no bra underneath and white lacy underwear are great.”
“My wife is the most confident woman in any room.”
This one’s a no-brainer. Being around someone who has achieved self-acceptance is both comforting and intriguing. We don’t want to spend our time reassuring our partner that he’s sexy, we want him to own his appeal. Men feel exactly the same way about us. A confident woman is strong and sexy. “I like it when she takes the initiative,” another friend’s husband said. “With so many distractions in the world, I like it when I can feel that she’s putting me first.”
“I now care about intimacy more than anything.”
Somewhere around age 40, the erection button becomes less of an on-off switch. Men really do appreciate and require foreplay, just like women. They need the warm-up and they genuinely get pleasure out of seeing you become aroused. So carve out a little more time in your schedule because this might take a while. Start out with a warm hug, then a few soft kisses. Romance never dies, and at the end, there might be some cuddling. And who doesn’t love cuddling?
Everyone needs a girlfriend!
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