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After turning 50, I realized something: I was tired of living by certain rules that never served me, rules I never agreed to. It’s been a slow realization, really. The pressures I felt — social, emotional, even about my body — weren't just coming from me. They’re invisible rules for women, handed to us by society. And I was playing along, not even aware of what it was doing to my mental health.
But that all changed. I let go of things that never made me feel like my best self, but that I kept doing because I thought I was supposed to. With each passing year, I know myself a little better. My confidence has grown, and I've grown tired of wasting time on things that aren’t true to me.
I never said to myself, “When I’m 50, I’ll stop doing XYZ.” It just happened organically. Of course, I wish I’d made these changes sooner, but I’m a firm believer that we act when we’re ready. But I can honestly say that by not doing the following things anymore, I’m extremely happier — and I’m never going back.
Saying Yes to Every Invite
I was on a run with a friend, and she was talking about how she’d made a commitment she didn’t want to keep, but felt she should because it was “only a cup of coffee and wouldn’t take that long.” After I told her she didn’t have to go, my words hung in the air. She said it had never really occurred to her, and that she’d never done that before. As soon as I gave her the advice, I realized I’d never followed it either. If I were asked to do something — even though I didn’t want to — I’d say yes and go, even if I complained to myself the entire way there.
My friend ended up canceling the coffee date and said she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Now, when I get asked to do something, whether it’s related to work or my social life, I take a second to think about it. And if I’m not sure I want to commit, I take more time to think about it. Yes, canceling is always an option, but it’s not ideal. I realized that just because I can do something doesn’t mean I have to, and I don’t need a huge reason to decline. This has been a fundamental change for me.
Getting Anxious When I Don’t Hear Back From Someone
Most of my life, but especially after smartphones came on the scene, if I didn’t hear back from someone within a few hours, I’d spiral. My brain would go straight to the worst-case scenario: Are they okay? Did something happen? Are they mad at me? Are they ignoring me? This used to eat away at me, and then I realized I had to manage this way of thinking, or it wasn’t going to go away. I stopped giving unanswered emails and texts so much power. I reminded myself that people are busy, they forget, and most of the time it has nothing to do with me. I give it time and space, and if someone doesn’t reciprocate, I can accept that too. Not every relationship needs to be held onto, and it’s not my responsibility to manage it so closely, expect anyone to get back to me quickly or constantly wonder if I've done something wrong.
Beating Myself Up About My Body
This just had to stop. I’d wrestled with it for so long, and I desperately wanted to accept and love my body. I was my own worst critic; I'd pick myself apart, zooming in on every stretch mark and cellulite dimple. I’d struggled with disordered eating and was so unkind to myself. Somewhere along the way, I got tired of it, but I also grew up. I have a lot to offer that has nothing to do with my looks. I started treating myself like I actually liked myself. That meant moving in ways that felt good and fueling my body with whole foods versus “diet foods.” Once I made those shifts, I saw my body differently. Being kind to myself feels a lot better than tearing myself down ever did.
Letting go of these things isn’t about giving up — it’s about gaining freedom. By releasing the anxiety, the pressure to say “yes” to everything and the self-criticism, I've made room for more peace, joy and authenticity in my life.
Do you agree with the above? Let us know in the comments below.
Casey Beifuss
