The One Thing I Won’t Do As I Get Older

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When my mom was in her early 70s, it became apparent that her hearing was starting to deteriorate. She went to an audiologist, who fitted her with hearing aids.

Experiencing hearing loss with age is a common occurrence. Luckily, hearing aids would provide an easy fix, or so I thought. For years, my mom resisted wearing them, complaining that these devices made her “look old.” I had trouble understanding her reluctance. The hearing aids were barely noticeable, and so what if someone could see that she wore hearing aids?

Fear of looking old was the same reason she gave for resisting using a wheelchair or walker when, in her 80s, she became unsteady on her feet. I'd ask her if she wanted to go to a show or a museum, but she would say, "No, thank you," because she was afraid she might fall and break a bone. But when I suggested she could use a wheelchair or a walker, she adamantly refused.

Social Stigma of Aging

I get it. We live in a society that values youth, especially for women. We color our hair, whiten our teeth, fill our lines and contemplate facelifts.

"There is a real stigma in Western culture when it comes to aging," says Dr. Catherine Sanderson, professor of psychology at Amherst College and author of The Positive Shift: Mastering Mindset to Improve Happiness, Health, and Longevity. "In other cultures, aging is associated with wisdom and superior life experience. In our culture, growing old is bad and associated with senior moments and cognitive decline."

While we may be able to laugh good-naturedly about needed reading glasses or a flashlight to read the menu in a restaurant, the need for other assistive devices can be harder to swallow. "Hearing aids or a walking cane are very visible," explains Dr. Raelene Brooks. "These types of devices are often associated with aging and disability — a sign that we are weak or at risk of losing our independence.”

Aging Is Hard To Admit

Because Mom wouldn't wear her hearing aids, she often couldn't understand conversations. It was tough for her to ask people to repeat themselves or speak louder constantly. Sanderson says. "When you can hear well, you can't participate or follow the flows of thought. This leads to frustration, isolation and ultimately loneliness."

That is exactly what happened to my mother. Her vanity and need to “look old" contributed to her aging faster. Not being able to hear made her withdraw and contributed to her dementia, which in turn made socialization more difficult. My mother was even more stubborn when her lack of mobility created a safety issue. Eventually, she gave in and used a cane when she was alone or went out locally with close family members to restaurants or to see doctors.