Why I've Had it With Men My Own Age

I’m at a time in my life where I have freedom to do what I want. I’m 50. I live alone in a condo where I have to do zero outside maintenance. My kids are grown and doing really well. I’ve worked hard and have zero debt. And last year I moved and got rid of half my stuff. I feel free and happy, ready to start this next chapter in life.

But the one thing I’d like is a man who can add to my already peaceful life. Not because I need a man of course. It’s 2025 and women have shown they don’t need a partner to complete them.

I do want one and I'm not afraid to say it. However, he has to be the right one.

There seems to be a problem though. I can’t find him. Like anywhere. And it’s not for lack of effort or being open. I’ve been dating off and on since my divorce over eight years ago. Something occurred to me a few weeks ago while my finger hovered over a message I got on a dating app for a thirty-something year old: there’s one thing I haven’t tried: A younger man.

I’ve considered it but the thought is always fleeting. I think, oh he'll want kids, and this won’t be pretty when I'm sixty and he’s forty, and I don't need to have a project. So I dismiss it despite the younger men who have told me they don’t want kids and the age gap literally means nothing to them.

I want a partner not a project, but the men I’ve dated who are my age have been just that; a project. For starters, they are more set in their ways and habits than a man in their thirties are.

And while we all have past traumas and experiences that shape us, I can honestly say I’ve never met anyone with more baggage than a divorced man who has kids and an ex wife. I don’t say this to be rude, it’s a fact. I’ve experienced this and my friends who are dating have had the same experience. I mean, all you have to do is google it, throw it in your Instagram search bar and the amount of women saying the same thing is endless.

Most men my age who have been married are angry, and blame their ex wives for everything: their financial situation, the relationship they have (or don’t) with their kids, the reason they are not emotionally available. Their excuses are endless. They don’t seem to want to fix it either.

They are stuck in the past and not interested in therapy. They are only interested in blaming other people for the reasons they can’t seem to get ahead in life. That’s something I have no interest in. I mean, talk about a project. Is there a bigger one than that?