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5 Things Married Women Should Never Say To Their Single Girlfriends
Enough!!!!! It’s time to immediately retire these conversation killers.
I was 24 when my best friend got married. I was her maid of honor and, seeing that I was in a serious relationship at the time, I assumed she would return the favor by the time we both reached our quarter-life crises. I’m still waiting. This means I’ve had to listen to the same dating questions, advice, and mantras — all tinged with vague smugness — since Bridget Jones was a singleton. My other married friends have since joined in. I know you all have good intentions, so I say this with love: Enough!!!!! It’s time to immediately retire these conversation killers:
<strong>1. “Are you dating anyone?”</strong>
Trust me. If the answer is yes, I will give you unsolicited details before the bread basket is served. Otherwise, this seemingly harmless — and awfully loaded — inquiry is an emotional dagger to the heart. Dating after 40 is a prickly subject and one that I’d rather not delve into so casually. Maybe I’m dealing with a rough patch or a prolonged dry spell or worse. It’s all personal business. And, frankly, the Q just as intrusive as asking you, “Hey, how’s the marriage going?”
<strong>2. “You’ve got nothing to lose!”</strong>
A friend recently trotted out this chestnut when I was on the fence about going on a date with a guy who asked me out online. I replied, “What about my valuable time?” I cringe at the implication that just because I’m not preoccupied with a family doesn’t mean that I’m sitting home alone watching Netflix 24/7 and waiting to be courted by any random dude with a pulse. Still, it’s good for me to explore. So when I’m calling you for motivation, please be more specific. For example: “He loves ’80s pop music too!”
<strong>3. “Let me ask my husband.”</strong>
The only thing more annoying than messaging your significant other to see if it’s OK to stay out another hour is seeking his relationship wisdom. I respect him, but I reaaaalllly don’t need him to be privy to the delicacies of my private life. It makes me feel self-conscious and inferior. Two against one does not a good dynamic make. Besides, even though he’s a guy, he’s not Dr. Phil, you know?
<strong>4. “When I was single …”</strong>
Whatever you say at the end of this sentence, I’m here to report that it will come off as patronizing and pretentious. Like, you might as well be riding a literal high horse to my little pony. You were single before the swipe-right era, but surely you recall that the dating scene is a frustrating crap-shoot. And, ahem, it’s only become more complicated. Spin the tales for your kids, thanks!
<strong>5. “Onward!”</strong>
Otherwise known as “This will pass” or “Time heals.” If I’m in the throes of heartbreak — even if it’s been only a handful of dates — all I want is comfort, sympathy and a plate of fluffy french toast. Please don’t Band-Aid my aches with a dismissive cliché about drying my tears and moving on. These words simply cheapen my hard-earned emotions. Though, um, the sentiment is indeed true.
Because everyone needs a Girlfriend™
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