What's 5 Times More Important Than Sex

While physical appearance can fuel an attraction between partners, so can discovering you share a similar sense of humor. “Knowing that you laugh at the same things builds closeness,” says Saltz.

A compatible sense of humor builds trust between couples. “There may be things you would say or laugh about only with your partner,” explains Saltz. “You can be good, bad, and ugly with one another. You might find humor in something gossipy or not PC that you publicly laugh about, but you trust your partner not to judge you.”

That trust extends to being able to laugh at yourself alongside you partner. “When you have the confidence to laugh at your own foibles without overwhelming shame or embarrassment, you can remain grounded in the moment and maintain awareness of and connection with those around you,” explains Vinall. “You are less likely to blow mistakes out of proportion and may find it easier to give grace to your partner when they mess up, too.

It Takes Two

For laughter to be connecting between couples, both parties need to be in on the joke. Viall explains, “When a partner doesn't ‘get’ the other's humor, the partner may feel unseen and unappreciated. This could be experienced as coldness, indifference, or hostility. Worse, failing to understand a partner's sense of humor can lead to hurt feelings.” 

As bonding as sharing a laugh can be, humor can create distance if it is used as an excuse to be mean or as a put down of your partner. “Humor should be shared, never a weapon at the expense of one to make the other look witty or clever through contrast, “says Vinall.

Laughter as a Stress Reliever

Marriage, work, kids, household chores — there is a lot to be stressed about. Comedy is a stress reliever. “Many couples use lighthearted humor to reduce tension or to lift each other up in tough situations,” says Saltz. “Humor, when used correctly, can lighten the mood when times are stressful.” 

Laughter can be an effective tool in getting through the daily irritations of a shared life. Vinall explains, “When couples make light of small frictions rather than amplifying them, they return to homeostasis quickly and without hurt feelings. A sense of humor externalizes rather than personalizes problems, allowing the bond between the couple to grow and remain strong rather than allow frustrations to push them apart.” 

A sense of humor can also help people get through tough stuff too. Finding some comic relief, even if a dark situation can be therapeutic (again, when both parties are able to see the humor and laugh together).

Can I Tickle Your Funny Bone?

Finding things mutually funny connects people. “Inside jokes and shared laughter create a sense of 'us' within couples, a private dialect and storyline that is all their own,” says Vinall.

Shared humor can be found in watching sitcoms or funny movies together, attending stand-up comedy shows, or even in people-

watching and making funny observations together “When unusual or absurd mishaps occur around you, look for the humor in the situation and recount it to your partner,” suggests Vinall. “Stay lighthearted and steer away from joking that uses others as punchlines. Be ready to laugh at your own quirks and foibles.” 

Being playful and silly with your partner is a great way to deepen a long-term relationship.

Recently, my husband and I have gotten into the habit of using technology to stay connected when we are not together (and even

sometimes when we are side by side on the couch). No, we aren’t sexting each other — there is nothing salacious or risqué in our daily exchanges. Instead, what we do is send each other memes or reels that we think the other will find amusing. This type of back-and-forth has been dubbed “pebbling,” like how penguins bring pebbles back to their loved ones. And while it may not be as classically romantic as flowers and chocolates, these shared laughs do help to keep the spark between us still flickering after all these years.