Women Reveal How They've Made Friends As Adults

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Making friends as we age isn’t as easy as it used to be when we became college besties with the girl down the hall or forged an instant connection with another mom at the playground.

This can lead to feelings of isolation. As one woman, Laurie, reveals, “I feel very lonely most of the time. I'm sure I'm not alone, but I haven't figured out how to make friends as a woman in my 40s with two high-needs kids while dealing with parent caregiving and my own health issues.”

Nicole Roder, LCSW-C, and a DBT therapist at Gladstone Psychiatry and Wellness in Columbia, MD, validates these feelings.

“There are a lot of opportunities for kids to make friends, like school, sports, Girl Scouts or what have you,” admits Roder. “There aren’t nearly as many of these opportunities for adults.”

As careers shift, kids grow up, and life throws curveballs like divorce, relocation or the stress of caring for aging parents, many women find themselves asking: “Where do I even begin?”

“The very first step,” Roder encourages, “is reminding yourself that all human beings are likable and lovable.”

From there, you need to know where to look for new friends. We asked a few Gen-X women for their advice.

Seek Out Like-Minded People

Whether you join a faith-based community, sign up with a local political organization or volunteer for a nonprofit, it’s helpful to start with shared common ground.

Amy shares, “I volunteer with my dog with Caring Hearts, an organization that does pet therapy throughout the community, and I've met other dog people through that.”

A love of pets isn’t the only place to meet like-minded friends. Book clubs and writing groups provide easy opportunities to connect. Whether you come for the snacks or the discussions about classic (or trashy!) literature, you just might start a chapter with new pals.

“A good friend and I started a book club,” says Lauren. “Each invited five women to join. The first couple of meetings felt a little awkward, but over the past two years we have really gelled into a really supportive, close group, and I got five new friends out of it!”

Roder suggests sites like Meetup or apps like Bumble BFF or Yubo, where you’ll find lots of like-minded people to connect with in person.

Try a New (or Old!) Activity

It takes courage to sign up for an activity, but it can be a great way to make new connections. You could try pickleball for the first time or rekindle a love for a former hobby — soap making? Salsa dancing?

“I rediscovered a love for tennis after not playing competitively for three decades, joining a women's league for 40+ where I have connected with a few different groups of women,” Suzanne shares.

Katie had a similar experience when she moved to a new city: “I bought a bicycle and joined a bike team. Turns out, for me, making friends meant the same as when I was 7: Wanna go ride bikes? Except now there’s a beer at the end!”

Strap on your sneakers and sign up for the running club or check out a local pottery class. You might gain more than just greater endurance or a cute mug for your collection.

Attend Local Events and Meet Your Neighbors

From themed events at libraries or adult education centers to live music venues, most communities offer many opportunities (many free!) to get to know other locals who just might become your new best friends.

That happened for Suzanne: “I met a woman at an event this winter — a live New Orleans jazz band at the old town hall — and we became friends right away because she and I were among the youngest in the room. I'm 45 and she’s 53, so that tells you a little bit about the demographic. We were the only ones who got up and danced. She lives a half mile away from me, and now we go on walks at least once a week.”

Making friends with neighbors is a win-win. You not only have a built-in bestie next door like the dorm days, but you also know who to ask when you’re missing a cup of sugar for your famous rhubarb cake.

Say Yes to (and Extend!) Invitations

“One time, a woman who had recently moved to town made a fabulous cake with a frosting that was a lot of work, but she had no one to share it with because she was home with the baby,” recalls Meghan. “She posted about it on a local women's group she'd found on Facebook, saying that anyone was welcome to come over and try a slice. Another woman (me!) came over and had cake with her. That friend made the same cake the other day, and it was as delicious as I remember!”

Meghan made a lasting relationship by saying yes to an invitation from a stranger. So ask that new acquaintance for coffee or invite new faces from your dance class for drinks. You might experience the slight sting of rejection, but you also might make a lasting connection.

Friendships like these are essential as we age. As Suzanne notes, “I need friends who get me and who I can rely on as I go through this phase of life.”


Do you find it harder to make friends as you age? Let us know in the comments below.