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At almost 50 years old, I am having the best sex of my life. I never knew that it could be this intimate, both physically and emotionally. I certainly didn’t think orgasms could get stronger and better with age, but omg, have they ever!
While I credit a lot of this sexual success to newfound confidence and (finally) finding my soulmate, there’s a little more to it. I have let go of all (okay, most) sex-related shame and embraced my every fantasy. I even share my desires with my partner, unapologetically and out loud — and the result is connection, pleasure and sexual freedom.
Fantasies are nothing to hide or feel guilty about — no matter how taboo they may be. But Anat Joseph, a psychoanalyst, says, “There’s often a disconnect between what a woman desires in her inner world and what she feels allowed to admit — even to herself.” Fantasies like threesomes, power play and exhibitionism are extremely common among women, but “often stir up shame because they challenge how women have been socialized to think about sex, power and pleasure.” Fantasies actually offer insight “into our emotional world,” says Joseph, and “they often hold clues about what we need more of — whether that’s connection, intensity, vulnerability or simply permission to want.” When it comes to sex, Girlfriends, it’s time to let go of the shame and enjoy the pleasure that comes with acceptance of both our bodies and our minds.
What are women in midlife fantasizing about? Glad you asked, because a few brave and unashamed women spilled their secrets. Here they are:
Letting Go
“After decades of ‘performing’ in bed, my fantasy now? Total surrender. Not the choreographed, lingerie-in-a-box version. I mean the raw, breathless, take-my-power-and-worship-it kind. The kind where I’m not trying to be sexy — I just am because I said so. Sometimes it’s a power reversal. Sometimes it’s being seen, completely: no filters, no flattening, just pure, unapologetic presence. Fantasies at this age aren’t just about sex — they’re about freedom. Freedom from the shame we were handed. Freedom to say, ‘I want to be touched, worshipped, undone.’” — Andrea, 55, CA
Being with a Woman
“I have always fantasized about other women. Sometimes two women kissing each other, sometimes kissing me and sometimes I imagine bringing a woman into the bedroom with me and my partner.” — Tammy, 49, VT
The Good Ole Days
“We have been married for 38 years, and these days, my husband just doesn’t have any interest in being intimate. I daydream about the days when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and the times he would woo me with flowers and romantic dinners. It’s not [necessarily] the sex I miss. I just want to feel desired and connected in a physical way.” — Deb, 62, MA
Being Dominated
“I often fantasize about being dominated. I mean, rough, take-me-without-asking dominated. I work in a fast-paced job. I’m a mom. My entire household lives by MY Google calendar. I’m reminding my husband that it’s both a soccer practice and a gymnastics recital week. I’m purchasing that random orange shirt my daughter absolutely had to have for a class field trip. I want my brain to be turned off. I want my husband to sneak up [from] behind, tackle me to the ground, give me the greatest orgasm of my life and call me his good girl. And then, I want him to feed me ice cream and tuck me into bed.” — Athena, 35, NE
Switching It Up
“I’m forever daydreaming about a kind of playful power exchange. Sometimes it’s me in control, teasing my partner until they beg for mercy. Other times, I imagine them taking charge with me pinned down (in a consensual, slow-burn way). My fantasies usually revolve around that electric moment of ‘you do what I say,’ especially if it comes with some breathy whispers and firm hands. I think about it privately all the time. The scenario stays the same: a little give, a little take, a lot of intensity.” — Stefanie, 39, FL
The bottom line? Your fantasies are not a problem to fix; they're a language to understand. And you certainly don't have to be ashamed. Accept, embrace and indulge, Girlfriends. You — and great sex — are so worth it!
Do any of you reveal your fantasies to your partner? Let us know in the comments below.
Simone Noronha
Follow Article Topics: Sex-&-Intimacy