Remember your college friend who held back your hair when you got drunk and said, “Don’t worry, no one noticed!” Everyone did. But she got you through. And now that life is five times more complicated, here are five grownup friends you need now:
The Stylish One. You crave a basic over-the-knee black boot—and keep finding pirate hooker boots. The Stylish One knows where the right boots are. One chat with her saves you thousands of hours scouring the web for Lucite end tables. Does this shade of blonde wash you out? Are your boobs too saggy for that outfit? You’ll know from the stern look on her stylish face.
The Funny One. She’s quicker with a quip than Samantha Bee and forwards memes that make you spit out your coffee. On the rottenest day, she helps you choose to be amused.
The Sensible One. Her voice soothes you from the get-go. Others validate your feelings; she gives you an action plan you feel good about. She makes healthy choices at Whole Foods and Hardee’s. While you’re pointlessly flipping off that jerk who took your parking spot, she says, “Just park in the bank lot nobody patrols after hours.”-
The Honest One. Lots of gal pals love you enough to lie: “You were so not bitchy to Bridget.” Get one friend who tells the truth. “Don’t hit send on that rage email, you idiot. And yes, your teenager was vaping behind CVS.” Advice hurts, but heals. Never let her go.
The One Whose Life Is, Well, Not Going So Well. Face it, everyone has a better everything than you do. So have a friend who doesn’t. Her love life? A shambles. (Ask The Funny One.) Since she moved last year, she hasn’t redecorated—or unpacked. She’ll make you feel a lot better about yourself — even if you haven’t found Friend #2 and you still wear pirate hooker boots.
Illustration by Cari Vander Yacht
Everyone needs a girlfriend!
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