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How many times have you thought to yourself, “I just want to be happy,” or heard someone else utter this statement? It seems like a simple goal, yet it often doesn’t feel like it.
"Happiness can be an elusive concept," explains Gretchen Rubin, author of The New York Times bestselling books The Happiness Project and Secrets of Adulthood. “It can be joy, bliss or contentment — everyone gets to define what happiness means for them.”
Although finding happiness isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, there are ways to improve your happiness quotient. If you find yourself thinking, “I wish I were happier,” try the following. Not doing these things may be keeping you from being truly happy.
Figure Out What Lifts You Up
Some people instinctively know what makes them happy. For others, it takes more work and self-evaluation to figure out what will bring more joy into their lives.
"Knowing yourself is one of the keys to happiness," explains Rubin. "To be happy, you have to know what makes you feel happy. For some people, it’s being with their families, while for others, this is a source of stress. There are people who find joy playing a musical instrument or going to a concert. You can find joy in simple activities like doing a crossword puzzle or walking in nature.”
It doesn't matter what activity — what matters is that it’s something you honestly have fun doing. For example, if watching cheesy reality TV shows brings you happiness, embrace that rather than critiquing it. There is no need for judgment.
If you aren't sure what makes you happy, Rubin suggests tapping into your childhood self. "What did you do when you were 10 years old that you enjoyed? Is it possible to adapt that activity to your adult life?" Or, you may have tried an activity years ago that you thought wasn't for you, but now might be a good time to revisit it to see if that same feeling holds.
Invest in Relationships
"Love ties are key," explains Rubin. "Whether it’s family or friends or co-workers, having a network of people you feel connected to boosts happiness."
Ideally, you want to create a vast network. Some connections are close — you rely on one another, offer support and share personal confidences. Other connections may be more "friendly acquaintances," members of a book club or people in your exercise class.
Rubin suggests devoting time, money and energy to relationships. "For example, if you believe you would get joy from going to your high school reunion but worry about the cost, try to find a way to make it happen," says Rubin. "If it's not something you want to attend, you don't have to go. But if it's just the cost preventing you from attending, it may be worth investing in for the social factor and the happiness it will bring you."
Remember that networks aren’t stagnant. Someone you meet a few times at book group can become a closer friend with time or may introduce you to someone you have a lot in common with and want to get to know better. “Be open to creating new relationships as well as deepening existing ones,” says Rubin. “It can feel awkward at first, but a simple, ‘I’ve enjoyed this conversation, would you like to get coffee sometime?’ can be the beginning of a new friendship.”
Embrace Micro-Moments
People often think of happiness in terms of a big event. It’s a mistake to view happiness solely through things like vacations or birthday celebrations, which only happen a few times a year.
"The idea that happiness is a destination is a fallacy," says Rubin. "Instead, happiness comes from elevating the everyday. Try to sprinkle in fun whenever you can."
If you derive happiness from being with your family, but they live far away, don’t wait for their next visit to “be happy.” Instead, do the next best thing, such as giving them a call or chatting via a video call. Share a quick conversation or a laugh with the person in front of you at the coffee shop or the gym. These micro-moments of connection can improve your mood and increase your overall happiness.
Take Care of Yourself
Rubin encourages people not to forget the basics of self-care, such as sleep, nutrition, movement and spending time outside. “Morning light is an immediate mood booster.”
As airline safety videos advise, it’s essential to put your own mask on first before helping others. "We may think that it’s our job to make those around us (children, parents, spouse) happy," says Rubin. "But we can only truly be responsible for our happiness. That said, we can better help our friends, family, community and the world if we are our best selves, which means taking care of our emotional health needs."
With all that’s going on in the world, it may seem selfish to want to focus on your own happiness. But your emotional well-being can have a positive impact on others.
"Emotions are contagious," explains Rubin. "We feed off the energy of others, so if you exude happiness, the people around you will feel it, too."
What's the one thing that makes YOU happy? Let us know in the comments below.
Margeaux Walter
Follow Article Topics: Wellness