Do you like to read and win free books? Do you love hearing from your favorite authors? Then join our amazing private Facebook group, The Girlfriend Book Club, today. You'll love it!
If you once had family gatherings, friendsgivings or a significant other to be with during holidays, it can be jarring when those things are no longer there. Holidays spent alone can be challenging — and sometimes even downright depressing. Loneliness is no joke. I may have more experience with it than most. I grew up with an antisocial father who kept community interactions to a bare minimum. As soon as I moved to California and my sister settled in Seattle, my parents abandoned traditions and moved to Vermont. Holidays were left to childhood. Visits were in the off-season.
I tried being a guest at various friends’ homes, but it was a bit like watching them on TV. I had a front-row seat to their drama and traditions (Thanksgivings vary widely), but it wasn’t like I instantly fit in. The foods were unfamiliar, and the jokes were too inside to appreciate. One Christmas, I accepted a last-minute invitation from an acquaintance to spend the night, have eggnog and experience the whole “gifts under the tree in the morning.” They even got me a present. (If I remember right, it was a t-shirt with a decal on it that wasn’t very me.) Instead of joy, I felt a mix of gratitude, sadness and embarrassment. It was more awkward than fun. After that, I learned how to make holidays manageable on my own and over time, to even make them fun. I have yet to try taking a cruise or a tour where you’d automatically have people around to adventure with. But here are some of my strategies for low-cost, effective solo holidays.
Get Outside
Staying indoors for too many hours in a row can be stifling. Take a walk (or bike, skate, surf, hike…). Simply walking can feel refreshing, but you can also use a fun strategy I learned from the work of venerable acting coach Viola Spolin. I was in the last class she oversaw at the end of her life and I often remember a game where you look deeper at things you normally just pass by. Notice the gradient of a color on a flower or the details in a gate or door. Spend a moment with one item then move on to another and truly see these things as you never have before. Look at the curves or how it’s constructed. Then, allow yourself to be seen by the object. It’s a simple switch in your mindset that can be surprising and fun to do. This type of walk can be as refreshing as a good meditation.
Don’t Scroll
It’s tempting to look at your feed to see your friends and acquaintances. You might think you’ll get a sense of connection because you could message them, like their posts or post something yourself. I find staying off social media is a far better strategy. Looking at all of their family fun can be a reminder of what you’re missing and make the alone time feel wrong. If you stumble on your ex, it can haunt you for days. Take a social media break for a while. If you must log on, set a five-minute limit and stick to it.
Plan Excursions
I usually have a holiday picnic where I pack a lunch and bike over to the marina to eat while watching birds and sea lions. I go to museums near me that are free or low cost. I also go see a theatre production if I can. Being single is an advantage if you want to grab a last-minute “rush” ticket because there are often individual seats scattered in the best sections. The theatre sells those at a significant discount right before the show. If you plan at least one or two things for yourself that you consider fun, it eases the uncomfortable feelings before, during and after the holidays. When regular life returns, instead of saying you were all alone, you can talk about the fun things you did.
Dive Into a Project
If you don’t have anything that needs doing, like fixing something around your home or organizing a closet, start an engaging project or two. I’m a big fan of Skillshare, YouTube and LinkedIn Learning classes, but there are numerous places you can learn online. Try an art or craft project that looks fun. Learn to draw, knit, sculpt, cook or design your own app. If those don’t call to you, go to your local library or bookstore and grab a couple of novels that will transport you to another world. If you get involved with something you enjoy, there won’t be any room for being lonely and you’ll have spent your time doing something satisfying. The holidays are a terrific time to experiment and find a new hobby, create more organization and indulge in things you’ve wanted to try.
Level Up Your Personal Growth
We are living in the age of AI, so no shame if you want to have long conversations with ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini or Perplexity. They can actually offer some great personal growth tips. You could ask your preferred AI to pretend to be someone you’d like to have a conversation with or ask for strategies to deal with something you are feeling or thinking about. Obviously, it can’t replace a specialist; it’s more like a talking book. It is a different experience from reading a self-help title. If that’s more your style, take the time to work with a book and do the exercises.
Having long stretches of time alone can be a gift to yourself. The biggest key is to retrain your brain to let yourself enjoy it.
Are any of you spending the holidays alone? Let us know in the comments below.
Melanie Lambrick
