Do you want to make friends and connect with other women 40+? Then join our fun and fabulous closed Facebook group, The Girlfriend Social Club, today. You'll love it!
A big house void of laughter. A party of one at an Italian restaurant. An alcoholic who has pushed everyone away. A weekend with no plans. A new mother, overwhelmed. An unfulfilled professional woman surrounded by colleagues.
The heavy and isolating burden of loneliness doesn’t discriminate. It’s found in happy marriages and crowded rooms. It can come and go or linger for years. The only true constant about this thing called “loneliness” is that everyone will experience it at some point in their lifetime.
Even though it’s widespread, it seems there’s some shame in feeling lonely, as if the “cure” is being around others, and you’re defective if you can’t make that happen. Anyone who has experienced real loneliness knows that just isn’t true, but loneliness isn’t easy to talk about, so this information isn’t always shared. The brave women below share their experiences with loneliness — and how it’s a lot more than just being alone.
Longing for a Loved One
“My partner of over 23 years passed away last September, and the loneliness, what I call aloneness, is deafening and hard to define. It’s just the feeling of not having my person there. I am adjusting to being alone, knowing that I can handle [it], but it has left me shaken. I don’t have the feeling of security and safety that I used to. My stabilizer is gone, my biggest defender, my ‘home,’ my one constant in an ever-changing world. I didn’t even know I felt all of this until it was gone. I am still coming to terms with it and am slowly learning how to cope.” — Leslie, 64, CT
An Eternal Loss
“We lost our 9-month-old son in 2019, and for me, the loneliness comes in the form of no one in your life knowing how you feel. That results in so many hard situations. No one wants to talk about your child, so it feels like they've all forgotten him. People forget that it's something you live with daily, and so inevitably they say something that is hurtful or insensitive (even if they don't realize it or mean it). Your overall outlook on life changes, and sometimes people have a hard time accepting your new focus and priorities. The list is endless.” — Angela, 48, CA
A Slippery Slope
“I love being alone when life is good, but loneliness tends to hit when the going gets tough. Sometimes it is when I am indeed physically alone, but there are times, too, when I am surrounded by family and friends, and yet it feels like it is me against the world (with no one to turn to), and I spiral. I stay in bed all day, I isolate, I feel sorry for myself and envious of others, and I stew in my problems. I typically allow myself 24 hours to wallow, if life allows, and that’s it. The next day, I hold myself accountable, go to the gym, say a little prayer and call a friend or family member.” — Sue, 46, CT
An Inevitability
“As a retired, married woman, I am not alone, but sometimes I do experience loneliness. It is more a feeling of philosophical loneliness. Before retirement, my husband and I often found it easy to agree and feel united on a host of issues — children, finances, work-life balance. After retirement, however, [we have grown in] ways that are different from one another — ways that are more personal or spiritual. My thoughts have become more reflective, introspective and spiritual, and my husband and I are no longer always ‘on the same page.' It is in these times that I tend to feel lonely. To survive this dichotomy of love and loneliness, you must continue to respect each other, honor the past and know that loneliness may just be a way of acknowledging and appreciating your uniqueness. This is what I try to do. After all, no one can be totally connected to another person for 56 years!” Nan, 76, CT
A New Beginning
“My [only] daughter left home a year ago to go to university. Admittedly, I fantasized about her moving out. I thought about how much free time I would have and imagined not having to cook or clean if I didn't want to (not to mention the money I’d save). When she did leave, though, I found it an extremely difficult transition, and I felt like I had lost my purpose. There have been a few occasions where my daughter was due to come home, but she changed her mind because she wanted to socialize with her friends. I found this disappointing and sometimes felt resentment, but I soon realized this was unhealthy, as I would get annoyed and short with her. I decided to take up a new hobby, reach out to friends more and build my own new life. I even started dating again! I am planning a solo trip abroad soon, and instead of feeling resentment that my daughter is living her own life, I figured there was no better time to start living mine!” — Elyse, 36, UK
Loneliness is a lot of things to a lot of people. It has the power to destroy us if we let it, but it also has the power to help us learn, grow and most importantly, connect. While loneliness can be experienced alone, it’s important to remember that we need some degree of connection, and maybe a little inspiration, to pull ourselves out of it — and these brave women offered us both.
Do you ever feel lonely? What do you do about it? Let us know in the comments below.
Cara Wang
Follow Article Topics: Wellness