What My Son Says That Always Breaks My Heart

My 15-year-old son brings up my age fairly often, probably because many of his friends have much younger parents than me, reminding him how old I really am. When he does, he usually says something like, “I wish you were younger. By the time I have a family, you’ll be too old to have fun with my kids, or help with babysitting, or watch them grow up. You might not even be around to meet them if I don’t get married until I’m much older.”  

It breaks my heart to have my son share his concerns, to know he worries about these things because of my age. I know he thinks about this often, wondering how long he’ll have his parents around after he’s grown and builds a life of his own. 

I understand all too well about his feelings, because I have them too.  

I often wonder how old I’ll be when I get to witness him saying his sacred vows to his forever bride. I often wonder how old I’ll be when they have their first baby or their second, or third maybe? Will I inevitably be “Too old to have fun with my grandkids or help with babysitting, or even be around to meet them?” I don’t know for sure, but these questions haunt me, as the reality of my age sinks in more and more every day. 

When most of my friends were getting married, I was the one catching the bouquet. When those same friends were having babies, I was still wondering when or even if I would ever have a wedding day. When most of my friends were in the trenches of parenting, I was (finally!) saying “I do” to my one and only. When most of my friends were launching their kids out into the world, I was welcoming mine in. 

Those same friends are now reaping the rewards of their hard work in raising their kids, enjoying their children’s families, and celebrating all the opportunities that having grown-up kids brings. While they are experiencing all the joys of being grandparents, I am buried in the daily duties of parenting. While they are embracing the freedom that comes with their empty-nest season, I am treading the tough terrain of raising two teens. My best friend has a granddaughter the same age as my son, and we laugh about how crazy this is, how different our lives are in so many ways.  

At times I wonder what it would have been like if my husband and I met several years earlier and started a family when we were young. There are times, the thought of not being here to witness these babies of mine create a life of their own brings me to my knees in deep grief thinking about all I might miss. There are moments I’m filled with an uneasy fear that my kids will have the heavy burden of taking care of their parents while they are overwhelmed with managing their careers and their kids.  

My husband and I crunched the numbers, we knew what we were in for, and we faced the reality that being older parents would have its challenges. But this timeline was out of our control. It took a while to find each other and longer still, to have our kids. I look back and realize I was nowhere near ready to get married until that time. I had a lot of growing up to do before I would be ready to commit to spending a lifetime with someone, much less carry out the hard and often sacrificial work of raising kids.  

And when we were both ready, then and only then is when it all came to be. We were able to grow into the best versions of ourselves, just in time to start a family. These are the best years of our lives, and we are so grateful to live them while raising our kids. We’ve been able to use all the hard-earned wisdom and tough life-lessons learned from our younger years to guide our kids as they grow. And if we can’t be there for the next generation, we hope the legacy we are cultivating will carry on when we’re not here. 

And I’m well aware that each day we are here on this earth and parenting these kids, is a gift. I have grieved the untimely death of many young parents and mourned the tragic loss their children must endure. I have sunk in deep sorrow for the countless lives that have been ripped from this world due to COVID-19, and the enormity of suffering that continues to infiltrate families everywhere. No one knows for certain how long they will live. No one can predict how their lives will unfold. And this truth brings with it, the one thing that is certain for us all. 

We get to be here with our kids right now, on this day, no matter our age, and nothing more is promised to anyone.  

So, I answer my son the way I always do… 

“I know this concerns you, honey. But I promise you, we wouldn’t have been good parents when we were younger. I’m so glad you get the best of us now. And really, who knows what tomorrow brings for anyone? I’m just so grateful we have today to spend with you. Let’s just focus on celebrating that and not worry about the rest.” 

And I continue to take my own words of advice every single day. 


Are any of you older parents? How do you feel about it? Let us know in the comments below.