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5 Things You Should Know About Sex By 40

Hint: Since 'Fifty Shades of Grey,' nothing is taboo.

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The Girlfriend, AARP, Sex at 40, Sex tips, husband, orgasm, Fifty Shades of Grey
Anna Dabrowska/
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Let’s talk about sex, baby. Nearly every woman has it. Most still aren’t experts at it. In fact, despite the Sex and the City era, the racy topic is rarely friends-at-Sunday-brunch fodder. Now it’s time to shine a light on the essentials after the lights go out. Whether you need an erotic makeover or a Sex Ed 101 refresher, here’s your quickie. Guide, that is.

Ladies First!

Maybe putting your partner first — and second and third — seemed acceptable in your inexperienced, insecure 20s. Now? Er, screw that. It feels good to be selfish, and the rewards are immeasurable. Be direct and open by asking exactly for what you want. Don’t you dare apologize for it! Besides, if you get the royal treatment, you’ll be more excited to return the favor. Silence is only welcome in the boudoir when both parties are sound asleep.

The Big O Stands for Overrated

Uh, yeah, we all want what she’s having. Up to 1 in 3 women have trouble achieving orgasm, per a Planned Parenthood study. (As many as 80 percent have difficulty during vaginal intercourse.) Translation: No need to stress over the climactic moment (or to fake it!). The most important goal is to relax, connect and have fun. (Fine, that’s three goals. Still.) Download a Kama Sutra app and try all the positions, Sting-style. FYI, if you’re still determined to reach the summit, products like jade eggs can expand and strengthen the vaginal walls.

Sometimes It Is Him, Not You

Guys get anxious about more than just their fantasy football league. When it comes to sex, they’re capable of jitters about everything from penis size to timing out to causing unwarranted pain. Contrary to popular belief, they’re not always ready to hit the sheets either. After the age of 40, male testosterone levels decline approximately 1 percent per year — with a steep drop between ages 45 and 50.

Nothing Is Taboo Anymore

Call it the Fifty Shades of Grey effect: If it’s legal and if it gets your green light, it’s worth trying. Porn? Go for it. Heck, even Oprah Winfrey’s O magazine once made a list of erotic movie suggestions. X-raters can be a huge turn-on, provided that you remember most guys aren’t actually hung like the Grand Canyon. Toys? Sure. They can add a level of excitement — and in the case of a vibrator, turn on your inner-thermostat stat. Skyping or sexting? Yep. Might as well take advantage of technology beyond “Candy Crush.”

Just Shut Up and Embrace your Body

Repeat: The perfect 10 does not exist. T he perfect 10 does not exist. Every woman’s shape is unique and beautiful. So after the clothes come off and you’re getting it on (yay), the last thought entering your mind should be, “Gee, I hope my thighs aren’t jiggling.” Trust, your partner — surely no Adonis himself — does not care about that tummy roll or the lapsed bikini wax. It’s a cliché because it’s true: Confidence is the sexiest trait of all.