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That One Year I Resolved To Have More Sex 

And what my husband still says about it today.

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Couple embracing in bed
Stevie Jean/Gallery Stock
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Every year on New Year’s Day I feel depressed with a heavy sense of dread. I’m sure it’s the emotional letdown after enjoying the spirit of the holidays and all that entails. Come January, there’s just not much to look forward to in the long winter months ahead. So each year, I try to think of a New Year’s resolution that might make my life a little bit more enjoyable, more manageable and more positive.  

I rarely choose a resolution that makes me work too hard, because I’m simply not motivated to do hard things this time of the year. I’m amazed at all the great goals people set and their drive to improve their health or their lives in some dramatic way. But for me, I’m just trying to make these months a little bit lighter, a little bit easier and a whole lot better with the least amount of exertion I can muster.  

I know that might sound lazy, and you probably think I lack self-drive. And you would be correct in that assumption, because during the winter months I lose a lot of my energy to do much of anything but survive. Come spring, I’ll start that new exercise routine or eat more fruits and veggies and less chocolate, but this is not my time. For me, winter means more naps and sweet snacks, pampering and relaxation.  

A few years ago, in my quest to come up with a New Year’s resolution that brought me joy, I resolved to have more sex with my husband. Usually, during this time of the year, I lack the motivation and desire to have a lot of sex. I love him dearly and know he needs my physical attention, so I’d still have sex with him, but it wasn’t as often as usual and I did it more for him than for me.  

But I realized that every time we had sex, I’d always end up in a much better mood. That intimate connection we share gives me both the physical pleasure and the emotional lift I need. Having sex always strengthens our relationship, and I love growing closer to my husband —  even after all these years. I am energized from all those life-giving endorphins that come from sex, and since I always seem to be lethargic in the winter I could really use that boost. I was also well aware of the research that proves having more sex benefits both our physical and mental health in many ways. Frequent and consistent sex actually boosts our immune system, enhances our brain function, reduces our stress and increases happiness. And during the winter months especially, I could certainly use all those things.  

When I told my husband about my resolution, he was ecstatic and all in, of course. I was determined to follow through on my goal and told him so, too. He knows that sometimes I claim big commitments that sound great at the moment, but eventually my desire wanes and my ideas fade away as life moves us on. But not this one, not this year. I knew that even though this would require effort and time on my part, it would be worth it. So, I set off to accomplish this feat, and as much as my husband could handle (ahem), I approached him with my intent — whether I felt like it or not. Some nights, I was cranky and commanding, feeling more obligated than romantic. Other times I would say with an exhaustive sigh, “Come on, let’s go.”

And he would joke about how enticing my invitations were when I was in those crabby, tired moods. We’d laugh at my nastiness and he’d always applaud my undying dedication, even when I certainly didn’t want to follow through. But as soon as we got started, my irritability faded and my body relaxed, and I forgot all about the dreary dark days of winter. Every single time I stuck with my plan, I always felt happier and had more energy. And my gosh, there were no complaints from my man.  

We had so much fun, and our sex life was better than it had ever been in our 20 years of marriage. This really did bring me joy, and apparently, it brought my husband even more joy than me. He still talks about it all the time and asks when I’m going to make that resolution again. Any time we are on a roll, having sex more often than usual, he mentions how it reminds him of that “awesome winter full of great sex.” In fact, he considers this “sex season” to be some of his best memories. Sex is a big deal to him.

As time went on during that awesome winter full of great sex, my requests slowed down and my resolve faded into the background of our everyday lives, and that crazy wild ride lost its momentum and shuddered and shifted into our usual routine. Like most New Year’s resolutions, it didn’t last as long as I’d hoped, and my husband would certainly agree.

Maybe this will be the year I go for it again. It worked wonders the last time, and maybe — just maybe — I can make the roll-in-the-hay ride last longer than before and reap even more rewards.