The Girlfriend Site Logo
Oh no!
It looks like you aren't logged in to The Girlfriend community. Log in or create a free online account today to get the best user experience, participate in giveaways, save your favorite articles, follow our authors and more.
Don't have an account? Click Here To Register

The 5 Lust Languages: Which One Do You And Your Partner Speak?

Go from 'guessing' what will ignite arousal to 'knowing' what will.

Comment Icon
illustration of couples making love in nature, lust languages
Alicia Rihko
Comment Icon

You’ve likely heard of the five love languages, but did you know there are also five lust languages? Yup, they’re a thing, and lucky for you, we’ve gathered all the juicy details. Somatic sexologist and educator Jaiya describes the lust languages as “erotic blueprints — a kind of steamy guidebook to your primary sexual style.” 

You likely know most of what turns you on (and off), but it’s beneficial to dig a little deeper. Sarah Riccio, owner of Delicto, shares that identifying your own lust language “can help you set boundaries in the bedroom and live your most authentic sex life.” It can help you break through inhibitions and experiment with some of the fantasies that have been living quietly in your mind for far too long. Likewise, Riccio says that learning your partner’s lust language is just as important, so you can go from “guessing what will ignite arousal to knowing what will.”

Here’s the 411 on each of the five lust languages.


Do you love the idea of playing with blindfolds, feathers and whipped cream? Do you refuse to kiss your partner after they eat peanut butter, drink beer or smoke a cigarette (because, ew, the smell/taste)? We often think of sensual as being anything slow, romantic and arousing, but there’s more to it. True sensual lovers are overly sensitive to anything that ignites any or all of the five senses. They’ll be turned on by aromatic candles, bubble baths and massages. But a messy room, loud background noise or itchy sheets won’t go unnoticed. Those who are sensual are “more likely to be particular about their environment when they have sex. The wrong sensory input can distract them and bring arousal to a grinding halt," said Riccio, and no one wins when sexy time is cut short!


Do you like to skip the foreplay and get right down to business? Does an insecure partner totally kill the mood for you? Sexual lovers are “laser focused on nudity, orgasm and the genitals. If you have a sexual blueprint, seeing a picture of your naked lover might be all you need to go from zero to 100 on the arousal meter,” Riccio adds.  

Sexual lovers will be turned on more easily and quickly than sensual lovers, and they can make love (and enjoy it) anywhere — even in a loud, messy room! They are quickly turned on by the simple acts of having their clothes removed and being touched and kissed.

Sexual types maintain a strong focus on nudity and the physical body. They’re straightforward, direct and, as long as sex is on the table, easy to arouse,” Riccio says. But beware, they can’t handle too much teasing and will likely be turned off altogether by prolonged anticipation. Get straight to the good stuff and the sexual lover will be a happy, aroused camper.


Do you like daydreaming about sex with your lover long before it happens? Notes Riccio: “It’s the longing that revs the engine of the energetic type, making foreplay particularly important for this style.” Energetic lovers love to be teased, so if your partner falls into this category, be brave and bold. Send flirty texts and pictures (if you dare) to build excitement. An energetic lover finds the foreplay and anticipation “almost as arousing as the sex itself.” Don’t rush sex with an energetic lover, or you’re likely to turn them right off. They want to take their time and prolong the grand finale — because it’s about both the journey and the destination for these patient lovers.


If your bedroom behavior mimics a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey, then it’s safe to say you have a kinky erotic blueprint. Unlike those that many would describe as having a vanilla, or mainstream, sexual style, kinky partners explore role play, bondage and power exchange. Riccio points out that while “folks in this category might not need kink to become aroused, exploring these desires can help them experience deeper, more intense excitement.” They’re all about exploration, variation and experimentation, and won’t match well with those who like routine, vanilla sex. if kink isn’t your thing, rest assured you don’t have to go right to handcuffs. Just be open to trying new things, and let your partner lead the way.


Ah, the shape-shifter — the lover who craves a little bit of everything. It may be hard to keep up with the varying desires of those who with this lust blueprint! The good news, according to Riccio, is that “the shape-shifter feeds off the energy of their partner and often derives the most pleasure from seeing them turned on.” Any of the above turn-ons and turnoffs could apply to the shape-shifter. What they desire more than anything else is a partner who is energetic and engaged in the bedroom. And here’s another little gem: They don’t like quiet lovers, so don’t hold back: Giggle, moan and yell, if you dare. They want to hear it, and chances are, they’ll holler right back.

There you have it, girlfriends. The universal language of lust — it sure is a beautiful one, isn’t it?

What's YOUR lust language? Let us know in the comments below.

Follow Article Topics: Relationships