illustration of female dreaming sexual fantasies
Kim Salt
Kim Salt
Relationships

3 Sexual Fantasies You Shouldn't Be Afraid To Have

Consider it a mating menu for the mind.

There's a reason why romance novels are a ONE BILLION DOLLAR industry, and why women who regularly indulge in books amour typically consume one book per week, in contrast to nonromance readers who read five books a year. It’s also the reason the richly provocative 50 Shades of Grey has sold more than 120 million copies and been translated into 52 languages.

The reason? Simply put, women are thinkers in the bedroom. While men can easily be aroused through touch and mostly visual stimuli that's right in front of them, it takes females both touch and visual stimuli — via what’s going in our heads and not necessarily what's right in front of us, to become aroused and fully pleasured. For many this can be as simple as just thinking about our spouse lovingly and passionately, but for others, we need a little, well, we need a little more. And by more, I mean we need a generous variety of sexual fantasies on the mating menu for the mind. But what we don’t need are feelings of personal shame, judgment or embarrassment for enjoying certain sexual proclivities through fantasy in the privacy of our own bedrooms, with our spouse.

An AARP Sex, Romance and Relationships survey found that 25 percent of adults over 45 have sexy thoughts or erotic dreams at least once a day, with 16 percent having them more than once a day. And while most people have no plans to act on their daydreams, the survey found that nearly 38 percent of all fantasies or thoughts are about sex with a stranger.

So what are some sexual fantasies you could eagerly be visualizing? Here are a few common ideas.

Be someone else
Just because you’re a happily married (or happily single) woman doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t allow yourself to indulge mentally in role-playing fantasies. At first, it may feel corny and uncomfortable to “play” someone else in the bedroom, and you may be thinking, “Why can’t my partner be excited by me? Why do I need to pretend to be someone else?” Don’t think of it as being someone else. Think of it as being something else, like you, only with a different slant. And remember, men can be “nurses,” too. Wink. Wink.

Save me!
We are women! We are equal! Hear us roar! That’s all wonderful and great, and of course we want and deserve total equity of pleasure in the bedroom, but there’s something to be said about fantasizing the stereotypical “damsel in distress” scenario. It’s the reason romance novel covers often feature a stoically burly man on horseback riding up to save a weak, vulnerable woman. No, you’re not doing a disgrace to your gender by role playing a female who needs saving. You’re ravishing the rapture of it, so to speak. So go ahead and indulge your inner defenseless lady-in-waiting, ready to be taken. Tiara optional.

Holiday Inn
There’s something to be said about “hotel sex.” For some reason, it just ends up being hotter. Why is that? Well, sex in a hotel lends itself to several “how did we get here” scenarios, including meeting your strange bedfellow at the lobby cocktail hour, or we’re 25 again and on our honeymoon, or we’re having an illicit, adulterous affair, and so on. It also lends itself to being walked in on, or even watched — both of which can be a huge turn on for some people. Don’t save the “hotel sex" feeling for hotels, because it really is possible to entertain those same thoughts and feelings at home.

But like all things pleasurable, sexual fantasies alike, it takes practice, concentration and commitment to empty our minds from the clutter of the day, and refill them with thrilling gratifications and creatively sensual scenarios. Do it anyway, because your sexual health and happiness are worth a few imaginative sparks being ignited in your head.

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illustration of female dreaming sexual fantasies
Kim Salt