aarp, the girlfriend, mandy hale, relationships
Stephanie Rausser/Trunk Archive
Stephanie Rausser/Trunk Archive
Relationships

The Physical Clues That A Relationship Might Be Wrong For You

The human body is an amazing thing.

The human body is an amazing thing. It’s constantly sending us clues in the form of pain, sickness, and emotional distress. When we ignore these clues, it will send us another, and another, and another … until we stop stubbornly proceeding down the path we’re on and pause to ask ourselves what message we need to be receiving. It never ceases to amaze me how life will keep sending us the same tests over and over and over again until we pass them.

The last guy I dated was, well, to keep it 100 percent with you guys … a hot mess. He was 11 years younger than me, and that was the least of our incompatibilities. Now I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I should have realized as a book lover and professional writer that we were not a good fit when I saw how he butchered grammar in his text messages. (And again, even that was the least of our incompatibilities.) The entire time I was dating him, and it was only for about a month, I would ask myself: “Mandy, what are you doing? This guy is not your person.” And inner Mandy would come back with: “Oh, I’m looking at his heart this time … not his issues.” And I would continue stubbornly proceeding down the path I was on, determined to turn this pumpkin of a relationship into a beautiful, horse-drawn carriage.

And guess what happened?

My body began to rebel against me. A few days into the relationship, I got sick. And I never get sick. Like … ever. I mean, I work from home, meaning I basically exist in a germ-free incubator. And even when I don’t feel well, I never run a fever. I can’t even tell you the last time I had a fever. And yet there I found myself, knee-deep in this relationship that intuitively, I knew I shouldn’t be in, with a crud that wouldn’t go away. I was congested, I had an awful, hacking cough, and one night, my temperature spiked to 101.

It was like my body was rejecting the relationship.

That crud hung on for the entire duration of the relationship. I could have bought stock in Halls with the number of cough drops I consumed. And when the relationship ended, I bet you can guess what went with it. Yep! The crud. The sickness went away completely and almost immediately. Now, I’m sure there are naysayers out there that would say the two things aren’t related, but our bodies are amazing, miraculous, wondrous machines designed to reject foreign objects (and people) that don’t belong there. And we need to trust ourselves and our bodies to do what they were designed to do: Protect us from harm. Not just physical harm, but emotional harm. That’s why it’s so vital to not just listen to your gut and you heart, but also your body. On all fronts: Whether it’s a new diet or a new exercise routine or a new relationship.

There are other context clues you can look for when it comes to determining whether the person you’re dating is the right one for you. If all your friends and/or your family dislike or mistrust your new boo … chances are, they are not for you. The people closest to you, your inner circle, can see things things that we can’t, all caught up in our love bubble. If your children have an aversion to your new person … that’s another sign. If your dog who is normally a perfect angel turns into Cujo and goes into attack mode every time your significant other gets within 50 feet … HELLO! Another sign. Animals and children tend to be very sensitive and seem to just instinctively know who’s trustworthy and who’s not.

Ultimately, only you can decide who stays in your life and who goes. But when your heart is telling you one thing and your gut another … follow your nose (instinct)! It always knows! (Points if you remember what vintage cereal commercial that’s from.)

Our bodies know. Our friends know. Our pets know. Our children know. Our emotions know. And if someone being in your life sets any or all of these things out of order … they don’t belong there.

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