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Are You Falling Out Of Love? Or Just A Little Too Comfortable?

We may have the answer for you.

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Margeaux Walter
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Sometimes, when you’ve been with your partner for a very long time, you may feel relieved when they go out of town for a few days so you can have the house to yourself. Or maybe you’re tired of the sound of their chewing, their snoring, or of them, well, being in your vicinity.

Does this mean you need a little break because you’re too comfy with each other — or are you actually falling out of love? And can it be fixed? “Falling out of love is a fairly common experience for those in relationships,” says Grayson Wallen, a therapist in California. “As the relationship evolves, has conflict and grows past the wounds, the relationship can become either stale or more vibrant.”

Signs You’re Falling Out of Love:

You’re constantly irritated. While occasional annoyance with your partner is totally normal — constant, inexplicable irritation could be a sign that your emotional connection is weakening, says Tina Fey, author of the book Breaking the Attachment, and founder of the dating website Love Connection. When you’re in love, your partner’s life fascinates you. If you find that you’re less interested in their day, their thoughts or their experiences, it could be a sign that the love is fading, says Fey.

You don’t want to make plans. When you’re in love, you tend to make plans and visualize a future with your partner. If you’re no longer excited about shared dreams or future prospects, it could be a sign that your feelings have changed.

You’ve become codependent. This is a tricky one. Happiness should not be so intrinsically tied to someone else that it starts controlling your life. “If you’re finding that your self-worth or happiness is completely tied to your partner, to the point that it’s causing you distress, it may mean that healthy love has morphed into a more toxic form of attachment,” explains Fey.

You’re not worried about them. When you’re in love, you care deeply about your partner’s well-being and happiness. You want to know how they’re doing, what they’re feeling and what they need from you, says Dr. Ketan Parmar, a psychiatrist and sexologist with Clinic Spots. "You also feel anxious or concerned when they are in trouble or in danger.” But when you’re falling out of love, you don’t have the same level of interest or concern for your partner. You may even feel indifferent or detached from their problems or emotions.

You play a comparison game. If you’re in love, you appreciate your partner and don’t feel the need to look for someone else. You accept their flaws and quirks, and you focus on their strengths, says Dr. Parmar. If you’re falling out of love, you may start to notice other people who seem more attractive, interesting or compatible than your partner. You may fantasize about being with someone else or wonder what it would be like to date someone different. “You may also feel dissatisfied with your partner’s appearance, personality or performance,” he adds.

Physical intimacy is gone. Instead of wanting to kiss, hug and have sex with your significant other, you lose interest in physical intimacy. You may avoid sex or have sex out of obligation or habit. You may also feel uncomfortable or bored with physical contact or prefer to sleep separately.

Signs Your Relationship Can Be Fixed:

You see a future with your partner. You still share the same goals and values and want a future together. “If you can envision a positive outcome for your relationship, then you may want to work on it,” says Dr. Parmar. But if you feel hopeless or pessimistic about it, then you may want to end it and move on.

You’re sexually satisfied. Keep in mind that the frequency of sexual activity may decrease as the relationship matures, especially in comparison to the intense days of the infatuation period, says Dr. Raffaello Antonino, clinical director of Therapy Central and a counseling psychologist at London Metropolitan University. What matters is the emotion and quality of your sexual relations.

You’re happy with the amount of attention you’re receiving. This is as important as sexual satisfaction, says Dr. Antonino. Perhaps your partner was devoting all their attention to you initially, but now you feel that you’re not even on the list of priorities. If you communicate these feelings, what’s the reaction? Does it immediately start a fight, asks Dr. Antonino, or do they try to work on the issues? When you two are alone, does he focus on you, or is he always checking his social media? Inversely, do you feel that your partner is only focused on you, so much that you feel suffocated?

You still communicate. It may turn out that you and your partner don’t really have a lot to talk about because you now have different ideas and perspectives. Or it could be because you just know each other so well. When you’re together, do you feel like the conversation is forced or nonexistent or is there a meaningful dialogue going on? Ask yourself: when something good or bad happens to you, is your partner the first person you want to contact?

What do you think? Do you think couples can become "too comfortable" with one another? Let us know in the comments below.

Follow Article Topics: Relationships